Do you know the feeling of waking up each day wishing you shouldn't have woken up? Being with happy and loud people but still feel sad and lonely? Wandering alone? Overthinking? Remembering? Forgetting?
We used to rule the world. I hope you still remember the feeling we had before. The constellation was in right places. You were in every chapter of my book. The world sees as one, I was nothing without you and conversely.

I was a junior and you were a senior when we first met. I had a crush on you. You texted me. We became friends. And, that was when it all started. We were inseparable. In classrooms. At the corridors. At the cafeteria. After class. Funny thing about it was people who don't know me taught I was your sister. I was told back then that couples who had face resemblance are soul mates. It felt like it, back then. Ours was a high-school romance, but it was still the kind of romance where I thought we were trying to find a way to make it forever.

We both tried though. My mom's disapproval. You going to college. No time for communication. Growing separately but not growing apart was the thing that made us surpass all of that. The corridors seem to be so different without you there, waiting for me. Semester break, Christmas Day and summer were my favorites because that was the only time we got to see each other. A month or two was nothing when we were together. We usually compare the changes we had the last time we were together. You being fat and fatter. Me being thin and fat and thin again. You wearing your new shoes to ask me if it looks good on you. Me wearing my new dress to spend the day catching you staring at me most of the time. I thought it was just a physical change that was happening. The change in our feelings was thing I was most frightened about and it happened suddenly.

I was the one who is the vulnerable one. You were supposed to be the strong one but why did it turned upside down? You became the weakest man I've ever known. You've given up on me, on us. You don't want to keep fighting. The day you broke all your promises was also the day my heart broke into million pieces.

Forever is just a seven letter word for me now. It isn't real and will never be. It gives us hope that will never happened. But, I was thankful you left. I wouldn't have met new people, read a lot of books, tasted different foods and gone to places I've never been to. I keep telling myself I will forget you when the right time comes. But for now, I can't do that. I am stuck. You were my first definition of love and my last definition of pain. If we were in another world and you were a different person, I would still love you even if loving you means experiencing the same pain all over again.